Wedding speech pressure: top tips to nail it!

Whether the best man, the bride or a family member, giving a speech at a wedding naturally comes with pressure to perform. In fact Dr Chris Hartley, a sport and performance psychologist working with Insure4Sport, has likened it to the pressure faced by professional sportspeople in a major event like a penalty kick or break point.

Here, he shares top tips on how to cope with the weight of expectation, fear of failure when giving a wedding speech, using sport psychology techniques he employs when working with top athletes.

Dr Chris Hartley says, "When faced with high-stakes challenges, it's easy to lose the joy of taking part if we don't feel like we have what it takes. This often leads to a fear of failure and a 'threat mindset' where we focus on avoiding loss (such as to not get humiliated or let others down) instead of striving for success. The problem with this is that we fixate on what it is we want to avoid. How could we, instead, be motivated by opportunity and focus on what we want to achieve? To overcome this, we could adopt a 'challenge mindset' where we see the task before us as a positive challenge and back ourselves to succeed at it. When we have a challenge mindset, we are more likely to focus on the present moment, be more confident, make better decisions, and ultimately enjoy the challenge more.

Here are three tips to help you adopt a challenge mindset and move away from fear-of-failure:

1. Choose to let go of unhelpful narratives. Sure, underperforming wouldn't be great in this situation. We hear this narrative from both ourselves and those around us and while it might be true – it's not helpful and you can't change it. Focussing on the things you can't change will only distract you from what you can do right now. It might be more useful to acknowledging unhelpful narratives and instead choose to focus on what we can do in the present moment (e.g., you can always breathe, make brave choices, communicate clearly, and show positive body language) – which is more likely aid your performance.
2. Build a 'confidence portfolio'. Ultimately, a challenge mindset is built on a foundation of proof that you canovercome the obstacles facing you. So, why not start collecting some evidence to prove to yourself that you can do the thing? This could be a photo-album or video-montage of yourself doing difficult things, a jar of notes about your successes or inspiring feedback received from others, or even a spreadsheet track your personal bests. Having a 'confidence portfolio' will serve as a powerful reminder that you have overcome similar challenges before, and can do it again now. It can also help you see what's worked in the past, and what might be useful now.
3. Rally the troops. As above, research has shown us that having access to resources is key to building a "challenge mindset" – and your 'support team' is one of the biggest resources you have. So, surround yourself with supportive relationships, like a good partner, supportive friends, and loving family members. Knowing that others will have your back if needed can make you feel like you have the resources to take on the world, and can benefit your performance.